I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
