I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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