I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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