as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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