Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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