i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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