I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There r osticjed everywhere
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
