The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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