I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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