We named our party play list daddy issues
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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