at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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