So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
