Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
