you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
