Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
