Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
