OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
