And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
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Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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