I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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