Just fell off a train. Bad.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
