so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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