There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
