You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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