Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
