not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
