; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize