If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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