shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize