I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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