sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
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I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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