'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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