it was like eating out sand paper
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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