Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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