Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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