I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
