Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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