I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize