who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
