Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
