WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
