You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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