my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
