he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
