He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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