did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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