Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
