____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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