Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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