If i come over, it means nothing
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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