Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
