she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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