I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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