We're like a lot better than the average bears
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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