He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
