no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
