she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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