Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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