had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
